Signs you may be in a toxic family relationship: What’s next?

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Success depends quite heavily on the choices and decisions you make as a man. It’s not always fun and games however, sometimes you find yourself in a relationship that has become toxic.

The situation is even worse is when you realize that this relationship is with a close family member.

In this article I want to take a look at signs you may have a toxic family member and where to go next after you realize it.

Why does it matter?

You have goals and ambitions that are yours and yours alone.

A man that is looking to attain any sort of success should have two main goals in mind.

  1. Attaining the success and goals desired by working towards it like a bull.
  2. After realizing your dream helping others with true genuine desire to help them achieve theirs.

In short, if you allow toxic people to continually sap your energy it takes away from your success.

If you can not attain success, no matter what it may be; how can you help the ones you love with theirs?

You see now why this is much more important than many people realize?Success comes to the man that cares for others, he puts his family and other people first when appropriate.

However there is a very sharp line that needs to be respected.

Let me tell you this right now…….

Sometimes you need to cut people out that are pulling you down.

People are like crabs in a bucket many times, one crab starts to get his head out and is just about to get out to freedom……

Until another crab grabs his leg and pulls him back into the bucket.

Yeah I’m definitely gonna pull you ass down!

Working to achieve more in your life is not always peaches and rainbows. There are times when you need to remove people that are not positive in your life.

Even if it’s a family member……..

You have one life to live, you will either attain your dreams or you will not.

Pure and simple……. The choices you make and the people you surround yourself with matter.

One great example

In the book Un%$#@ Yourself written by Gary John Bishop, one of the chapters really hits it on the head, at least for me.

He talks about willingness, what you are willing to do and not do in your life. It will make you think for many situations, however the jist of it is this.

Are you willing to let some toxic person suck the energy out of you so it affects your time with your kids or wife? How about close positive friends?

This book is one of my favorites, I recommend it 100 times over.

Check it out…..

Signs your family member is toxic

  • They are constantly gas lighting you
  • Constantly putting down your ideas and dreams
  • They always need something
  • Never follow through with any promise
  • Controlling
  • Abusive
  • Overall negative

This is a short list of the many reasons someone shows their negativity towards you.

Keep in mind of course that just because they act like this sometimes does not mean they are toxic. Everyone has bad days……Which brings me to one major point.

The one real way to know if you are indeed in a toxic family relationship?

Ask yourself how your mood is the larger majority of the time when you are around them.

Then answer the question honestly…….

If the honest answer is not that great you my friend are in a toxic relationship.

Snap out of it dammit! How the hell can you achieve your personal best when you are around someone that can alter your mood for the worst when you are around them?

You can’t……….you are the crab trying to peek over the side of the bucket.

You have to internalize the fact that you will never achieve your full potential if you allow someone to have access to your mind, letting them spread their toxic seeds.

You need to care for yourself first

If you just read that heading and said wow this guy is selfish think of this.

Why do they tell you to secure your own mask first if something happens on a plane?

The reason is if you have your mask secured you will be able to help other people with theirs rather than passing out.

Letting toxic people, even family constantly drive your emotions into a negative pit will, over time cause you to be stressed and miserable.

The end result ? You can’t help the people that really need you.

I have experienced this before and when I look back on the situation I know that I made the right choice to get the person out of my life.

An easy choice?………Hell no, but sometimes the path for you to be your best takes hard choices.

I take care of those who are positive and great influences on my life more now because the drain of a toxic family member is out of my life.

Family or not, nasty people are nasty people. Of course I am not telling you to start writing off mom and dad, what I am saying is don’t let people constantly bring you down just because they have the title of aunt, uncle, brother, mom, dad………whatever.

When to pull the plug

Judgement is needed here, you can’t get mad one day and start writing off grandma.

However the fact that you are this far into my article shows me one thing.

You do have that nagging thought in the back of your head that is questioning how much more crap you want to take from some family member.

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Every situation is different, My advice is to take a good honest look at this person or persons and see how much they drive your moods.

Look at your chief aim in life and see how much energy is taken away from it by this person.

Let’s say you have a selfish stepmom that constantly gaslights and insults you and your wife.

She never comes through with anything and always causes some sort of stress for you. After she leaves you and your wife always fight because your wife is pissed about something she did or said that was insulting.

First things first you better take a hard look at yourself and be very honest about how you yourself act. Do you fuel this fire as much as they do?

Don’t be so quick to call other people toxic, you better make damn sure you yourself isn’t the toxic one here.

Part of being a successful man is making decisions and choices off of facts, not feelings.

When you find yourself defending a family member constantly

For me this is the biggest indicator it’s time to let go.

When people start to tell you how the way this person acted or what they said was bullshit over and over again…….Remember I’m talking all the time, you can’t just call someone toxic because you fight every now and then.

When it’s constant………This is when the person is a drain that needs to either be put in their place or cut off from your life.

It’s hard when people all around start to question things…….

  • Where is your dad ? Why did he leave your son’s birthday party, is he coming back?
  • Why is she always insulting your wife in front of me?
  • Dude the only time uncle Fred calls you is when he needs money.
  • They were supposed to show up today, now we have to change plans.

This goes on and on…..

Let me tell you it’s hard as hell to be mad. You will find all kind of excuses for these people. No one wants to accept the fact that someone in their family doesn’t truly give a shit about you, your kids…..etc

Being a man is not always easy, sometimes you need to make the decision to walk away……either temporarily or for good.

Wrapping it up

It’s never a great situation when you find yourself in a toxic relationship. When it’s a close family member it really becomes bad.

However your life is your responsibility, yours and yours alone.

Take care of yourself and the ones you love above all else, people that are toxic are just that ……….Toxic.

Just like you wouldn’t knowingly scrape off old lead paint without a respirator you should not allow your mind to be drained by people that love your energy.

It’s very easy to forget, especially us men that the mind is just as important as the body. This hit me only after age wizened me up a little bit.

If you can bench press 450 for reps but you allow your mind to be entered and poisoned by other people, including your family.

You are just as weak as the guy that can’t put up the bar yet.

Guard your mind, take care of yourself so you can take care of the ones you love, cut out the toxic drains in your life.

Being a man is not always easy……….Accept this fact and be a man.

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